Its getting tough. . . .

I have posted something about this before, but to be honest, it is still bothering me and in fact, getting a little worse. It all started up again about 3 days ago when Jason and I tried to put Zachary to bed. The usual screaming and hollering, but this time, it was louder, longer, and all for daddy. Then the following day, Jason kissed Zachary goodbye, and left for work - absolute HYSTERICS! Screaming and hitting the window - everything. However, when I tried to go over and comfort him, he pushed me away, screamed more, and huddled in the corner. This lasted for about 20/25 min. But I think everything came to a peak last night. Again, bedtime has been pretty bad lately, but last night, we took him up at 8:00 - his normal bedtime. He continued to sit up and cry and cry and cry. Then screaming, then hyperventilating. He began to hold his breath and scream some more. I couldn't take it anymore - 30min, and he was not slowing down, in fact, it was getting progressively worse. So, I went upstairs, picked him up, rocked him, and asked him what he wanted. 'I want daddy' he repeated over and over. So, with all the lights off, I took him downstairs, laid him on Jason and that was that. Around 9:00, I walked over to him, asked if I could take him to bed, he shook his head yes, climbed off Jason and rested his head on my shoulder as we walked up the stairs. He laid down, cried for about 2 min. max, and was out like a light.
Now my question is this - what does Jason have that I don't? I know, I know, all children go through a phase with their parents, but believe it or not, even if you know that, it still hurts a little :( The funny part is, when Jason is home, he acts up, whines, cries and everything. But if he wakes up in the morning and daddy isn't there, and it is just he and I - he is a perfect little angel. He will practically put himself to bed when it is just us. Explain? I really cant handle these nighttime tantrums anymore. Cry it out they say - well I think 'they' never had children! Its hard, especially when they begin to hold their breath and hyperventilate! Maybe he is not tired, fine. But I think putting him down any later is way to late for a toddler - 8:00 is a good time. To be honest, when he misses his nap, he still acts like this, so it can't be that he is getting too much sleep. I just don't know where to turn anymore. We are due for his 2 year appointment with the doctor in a couple weeks, should I wait till then or call and have a consultation. Its bad, its real bad.